Ya'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
1st it was- "oh cool. I get to work from home. Nice".
Then, it was "I never once wanted to be a school teacher and yet here we are. How am I supposed to get any work done?! I can't educate her. She's gonna fall behind. And what about gymnastics?! I can't teach her that. I'd pull a hammy trying to do a cartwheel. She's gonna fall behind!!"
After that, school was over. And I filled all of my free time with painting my kitchen cabinets, getting trees taken down in my back yard, getting a new above ground pool, doing some landscaping and reorganizing our closets. Doing new science projects everyday. Cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner. Crying at night because I literally could not keep up with the own busy life that I created within my four walls. I mean, my husband is at work all day. Shouldn't I have everything perfect when he finally comes home at night? (short answer- Hell no)
Now, My kid has no concept of bedtime. My house is always dirty. My new permanent look is that "just crawled out of bed" look. My kid spends countless hours trying to become TikTok famous with videos that she's gonna look back on and cringe. Screen time? What's that? The weather has been too bad for the tree guys to come back. So, my backyard looks like a forest of dead branches. The pool is cloudy and dirty, but whats the point of cleaning it when they are just gonna come back and drop more crap into it, right? My kitchen cabinets still have spots that need to be touched up. And my husband just came to the realization that under all of this hair dye, I'm strictly GRAY! But Whatever. Nobody is coming over anyhow.
You know what? I'm fine with my "now". (As long as this "now" isn't "forever") Honestly, yes... I probably could use a happy medium between where I was and am now- but I'm not stressing it. It will all get done eventually. My kid isn't gonna "fall behind" anyone else. Because this is happening to everyone else, too. My house isn't gonna fall apart because my cabinets need touching up. My husband isn't gonna leave me if the laundry isn't done. Yeah- I should probably set some screen time for TikTok, but eh- I monitor it daily.
So for right now, I'm gonna focus this new positivity into something else. I KNOW I'm not the only one going through these mental struggles. Fighting these standards that I've given myself. I know others are struggling and I just want you to know that it's okay. Let it go. Maybe no one will read this and my new blog will practically just be a journal for myself. And that's okay, too. BUT if you are reading this, good. Because we are all in this together. (I'm so sick of hearing that on every TV commercial) But it is true for many of us. We worked hard for a life we wanted. Or we landed in a life that we were comfortable with. We were used to it. Then, suddenly- BOOM. This life changing decision was made FOR us. Not BY us. And it's hard. And social distancing is making it hard for us to communicate how hard it actually is. Let's use this time to better ourselves. By learning NOT to push ourselves too hard. To look like shit all day and be okay with it. To know that it's okay to not be the perfect parent or wife or husband everyday. Things will go back to normal eventually, and we may even miss this time. (maybe)
Thanks for reading my first blog post ever! I hope that we can grow a community that loves and encourages. There is enough out there that's pushy and judgmental and angry. Our kids need moms and dads that stick together. Our community needs mentally strong and kind humans. We. Need. Each. Other.
Best first blog post ever. ❤️